Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
