You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
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Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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