I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
