my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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