She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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