"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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