Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize