Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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