hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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