Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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