Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
