no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
