did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
