then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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