I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
