I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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