need another drink. this is the easiest way
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Couch. On fire.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
