Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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