Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
