I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
