I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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