I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
