You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
