so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This is the high leading the old right now
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
