I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
