I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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