im about as happy as oj after his trial
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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