"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
