Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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