I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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