Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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