Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
