sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
