Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
