i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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