I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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