so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
