remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
