Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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