Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's just like the Real World with babies
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
