Swine flu. Run for my life!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
