I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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