I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
