Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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