you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
