apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
