Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
