why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
