We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
