I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
