Just took my morning after pill in the library
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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