Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
