i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
