Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
