i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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