You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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