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I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
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The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
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He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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