My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize