she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
