Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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