Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
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we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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