so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team