btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Buhtt sex?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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