Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????