What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.