I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.