Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?