i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
