Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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