All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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